Hang On There Daffy, It’s Not A Done Deal Just Yet!

 Suffering Succotash Methinks they’re out to get me!!

Much has been said in the past few weeks about Tenacious D’s, Daffy Duck Driti, impending posting as Fiji’s next Ambassador to Malaysia. It is interesting to note that the Malaysian Government has yet to comment on the issue, perhaps they are having second thoughts about allowing a person directly involved in the torture and abuse of the Human Rights activists on Christmas Day last year into their country. See the story below.

Malaysian High Commissioner Quiet on Driti Appointment By fijivillage Jun 29, 2007, 11:55

The Malaysian High Commission in Fiji has refused to make any statements at this stage on whether the interim government has already forwarded its nomination for the new Fiji High Commissioner to Malaysia.Officials at the High Commission said that the High Commissioner will make a comment when she is ready with all the information.Village News has received confirmation that the military’s Land Force Commander Colonel Pita Driti will take up the post in Malaysia.Sources have confirmed that Colonel Driti will just be seconded to Malaysia and not resign from the RFMF.

A suggestion to those people who have suffered at the hands of this thug, voice your opposition to the Malaysian Government, Malysian Bar Association and Malaysian Human Rights Organisation. Include depositions of the cruel and inhumane treatment you received from him and soldiers under his command. I would encourage people like Virisila Buadromo, Jackie Koroi, Laisa Digitaki, Ted Young and anyone else who has been subjected to army brutality to contact these organisations via fax or email, as it would be more effective if the Malaysian Government and other national bodies heard directly from you.

While Daffy Duck may be rubbing his hands in greedy anticipation of landing this plum job it doesn’t mean we have to make it easy for the Interim Government. Remember the pressure from various sectors of the public in opposing Rabuka’s diplomatic appointment to Washington. Until the Malaysian Government agrees to Driti’s appointment its still not a done deal.

There’s still time to halt this insult of allowing a known human rights abuser to be a diplomatic representative of our Country. Below are some contact details to get the ball rolling, once again I encourage all of you have suffered at the hands of this man to speak up:

THE HUMAN RIGHTS COMMISSION OF MALAYSIA,
Level 29, Menara Tun Razak,
Jalan Raja Laut,
50350 Kuala Lumpur.
Tel: 603-26125600
Fax: 603-26125620
E-mail: admin@suhakam.org.my ; humanrights@suhakam.org.my    

Don’t Let It Get You Down…

For those of you who may be feeling disheartened at the seeming lack of progress towards resisting this Illegal Junta take heart.

For those of you who have been sidetracked from the core issues by the mindless comments of venomous blog commentators  in support of the coup, don’t be discouraged.

Below is a copy of an electronic magazine that I subscribe to. I believe it will be a calming tonic for frazzled minds while smoothing over a lot of ruffled feathers.

For those of us who are falling into despair, wondering if there will ever be an end to this Regime remain steadfast and rediscover the faith.

For those of us who profess to having no particular faith, an invitation to understand is extended to you. Read the article and keep an open mind, you might be joyfully surprised and come away with something you never knew or felt before.

Anyways enjoy and Vaya Con Dios.

Like a Tree Planted
Jill Carattini

“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation,” wrote Henry David Thoreau.

I thought of these words as I was playing tourist one summer in my hometown near the shores of Lake Michigan. On a guided ride through the massive sand dunes of Silver Lake, we stopped at the highest point of the dunes. With lines he’d been using for years, our guide offered a few statistics as he pointed out the scenes around us. From the hill we could see Lake Michigan, a historic lighthouse, and the endless shifting dunes that slowly engulf the small forests around them. Most of his words were lost in the beauty of the scene itself, but I tuned in as he described the survival tactics of the trees beside us. “These trees,” he said, pointing to trees that were no more than 10 feet high, “are upwards of 35 feet tall.” They are trees assailed each year by shifting sands and changing hillsides. When their branches are enveloped by sand, leaves die from lack of sunlight, but the branches become roots.

I don’t know why Thoreau’s words hit me at that moment as I took in the clever tactics of a handful of scrappy trees. I was impressed with their display of life, their fight to survive in a world that kept smothering them. Perhaps it was their quiet perseverance in an uncertain world that drew a sharp contrast to my own behavior in stifling moments and changing winds. Looking out from that which overwhelms me, I am easily resigned to a world without light.

In 1845, Henry David Thoreau left his pencil-manufacturing business and moved to the woods of Massachusetts. Walden is the lyrical record of the 26 months he spent in withdrawal from society in a cabin on the shore of Walden Pond. Written 150 years ago, many of his words still meet us as he hoped them to: like a “chanticleer in the morning, standing on his roost, to wake my neighbors up.” One of Thoreau’s concerns was that the world was being dulled by the bombardment of an unending flow of news, and a fascination with trivial events. “We are in great haste to construct a magnetic telegraph from Maine to Texas” he wrote, “but Maine and Texas, it may be, have nothing important to communicate.”

Standing atop the mountains of the information age, it doesn’t take much to see the relevance of this concern. Turning on the news each day or jumping on the Internet for the headlines, a task I do faithfully, I am ashamed at how easily I am taken in by stories that are less “news” and more gossip. But then, even the stories that are certainly newsworthy can all too easily become a weight that buries me in fear, or engulfs me in concern that, though real, is riddled with the possibility that I will miss the point. Though neither Thoreau nor I would contend that news consumption is bad, information abounds in overwhelming degrees. Each fact, each story, owns the potential to move our emotions like sand dunes, cutting us off from hope and light.

We live in a world of shifting uncertainties where the potential to resign ourselves to fear or hopelessness is real. But so we are told the light of Christ is not overcome, no matter how dark the darkness. In Psalm 1 we are reminded that the one whose certainty is the Lord, whose hope is in God’s unchanging presence, is blessed. “He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither.” In this changing culture of disheartening headlines and distracting information, many lead lives of quiet desperation. Still many others grow roots where life buries branches, taping into the living waters of one who does not change.

Jill Carattini is senior associate writer at Ravi Zacharias International Ministries in Atlanta, Georgia.

Look Mummy, I Can Fit Both Feet In My Mouth!!!

Just when the rest of the Class Five Students thought he’d made a big enough fool of himself, Pita ‘Codebreaker/Class Bully’ burst back in to the classroom to terrorise them one more time for good measure. Click on the link to see what transpired.

 http://www.nzherald.co.nz/section/2/story.cfm?c_id=2&objectid=10448029

Satisfied that he’d made his point and confident that he’d scared the heebeejeebees out of the class, he marched out of the classroom with a swagger worthy of Napoleon.

As the class sat there perplexed the Home Room teacher Mr Downer said, “Relax Kids, things aren’t too good on the homefront for that poor boy. His Uncle Frank, who he’s staying with, is suffering from mental stress and it’s having an effect on the poor boy’s behaviour. I’ll have to have a word with Vice Principal Clark and Principal Howard about intervening if things get worse.”

To which the class prankster Duvuloco, “Au rogoca talega nona momo Frank dux tiko mai St Giles!!” The class erupted in a convulsive fit of laughter as Downer muttered, “These kids……Ai Carumba.”

Who Am I?Who Are You?…Who’s On First?Who’s On Second?…What Is This, An Abbott and Costello Routine??!!

   Abbott and Costello

For those of you who may have read the post Heavens to Murgatroid…Reading Between The Lines Even!! you would have noticed the comments towards the end were in danger of turning into an Abbott and Costello routine.

To the commentator named ‘batikadi’ let me categorically state that I am 200 percent against this military regime and I fully support the resistance to this junta through non violent means. I am completely against the use of violence or acts of criminal sabotage to bring about the overthrow of this illegal government. I believe the rule of law and the use of non violent civil disobedience are the only things that set us apart from the thugs and tyrants currently in power. 

Everyone is free to state their opinions on this site and I welcome the views of other people for the sake of a healthy debate. Ultimately you should try to ensure that if you are citing historical, literary, philosophical texts that it remains as factual as possible. For example a commentator known as ‘Observer’ cited the ’previously unknown fact’ that Martin Luther King was working with Melcolm X during the Civil Rights Movement of the 60’s, as well as the fact that Ghandi was the Mastermind behind the violent protests in the events leading up to India’s independence.

As the editor, publisher and moderator of this site I reserve the right to publish comments and articles as I see fit. But if you want to start accusing me of supporting the military then perhaps this site isn’t the one for you. If I believe that you are assuming a certain position for the sake of creating divisions among those of us who wish to see Fiji’s immediate return to democracy, then it’s ‘Hasta La Vista Baby’.

With my day job I do not have the luxury of time to filter through and respond to endless debates on issues of no consequence or importance. So to all the Walter Mittys and Fox Mulders out there, you’ll have to enact your fantasies and conspiracy theories elsewhere.If you want to vent your frustration go ahead, if you have some information that you may feel is relevant to exposing the activities of the Illegal IG then pass it on.

If you want to support the IG, fine but at least try and come up with a half plausible defence for the idiocy being displayed by Bainimahendra and co. Although for even the most callous supporters among you I have yet to hear a credible, moral and legal justification for the numerous atrocities committed by the IG.

Having said that feel free to comment, but just pay attention to what I’ve said above.

Oh yeah and by the way, if Frank’s on Second, Who’s On First?

Don’t Attack Tourists.

I fully support the call by Hyde.N.Ceek against postings on Why’s Fiji Crying to attack Tourists to Fiji. I was shocked to read the content in that particular posting and dismayed at the attention it received in the International Press.

I agree with HnC that WFC should be commended for their efforts in exposing the Interim Regime’s activities but the Editors should be more discerning in what they publish or they risk losing their credibility. At the end of the day it is easy for us to assume that our actions do not have consequences, especially when for reasons of personal safety we remain anonymous. But that does not absolve us of our personal responsibility towards ensuring that what we write is as factual as possible and does not endanger the lives and livelihoods of innocent people.

Many of my immediate family and friends are employed in the struggling tourist industry and if anyone feels the crunch of reduced hours and forced layoffs it’s them. We need all the tourists we can get to reestablish the Industry and move the country forward. Mahendra take heed and release the funds you bloody snake, or what you have already spent it? Worse still there’s probably no money… yet IAss still parades around overseas on the public’s purse.

 As HnC said:

We salute WFC for its efforts in keeping this regime on its toes but calling on Fijians to harm tourists is just plain wrong.

Our enemy is this illegal regime… not the tourists.

As Fijians, we should endeavour to keep all visitors to our friendly Islands safe from harm.

HnC calls on tourists to continue to come to Fiji.

The people working in the tourism industry need and are grateful for all your support.

Heavens To Murgatroid….Reading Between The Lines Even!!

Codebreaker Driti’s inimitable manner of speech is in the public forefront again. In response to a Fiji Times Letter to the Editor, Driti demonstrated that he is capable of digesting weighty literature pieces such as ‘The Art Of War.’ Below is Rick Trevor’s Letter to the Editor that prompted Driti to put pen to paper.

Invading force

Yesterday we heard the funniest interview on one of our local radio stations, that of Pita Driti’s reaction to Australian army chief Lieutenant-General Peter Leahy’s passing comments on Australian peacekeeping in Fiji. Mr Driti mentioned that they would be treated as an invading force. If he seriously thinks that Australia would be interested in invading Fiji, of all people he should know that with their resources they would be capable of doing just that in the wink of an eye.That is unless of course Mr Driti has some bilibili and home-made coconut leaf aeroplanes to counter invasion by air and sea. Mr Driti should restrain himself from such egoistic and shameful comments.

Rick Trevor
Nadi

Driti countered this with the following reply:

Art of war

I WILL not let the views of Rick Trevor (FT 22/6) go unchallenged. First, I ask Mr Trevor to read a lot of war history, especially the US lessons learnt in Vietnam and the lessons the US and allies are trying to understand in Iraq. High-tech weapons, no matter how sophisticated, can be subdued through the art of “manoeuvre warfare”. I urge Mr Trevor to read Sun Tzu’s book Art of War. He will be surprised at what the “bilibili and home-made coconut leaf airplanes” can do. Mr Trevor needs to think twice before he writes and should not be stirred by his emotions because it will knock out his sense of reasoning. One can win the battle but not the war just like how the allied forces thought they would invade Iraq with the wink of an eye.Further, I am a Fijian and, like all patriotic Fijians, I am willing to die for my country. Therefore, I will not take back my words, no matter how egotistic or shameful they may have been to Rick Trevor.

Pita Driti
QEB
Suva

Well thank you very much for clarifying your stance to the public Mr Driti. Granted the comments by Rick Trevor could be seen as condescending towards the FMF and it’s once proud history, but if the public perception of the Military has diminished then the Current Crop of Officers and their subordinates have only themselves to blame.

Students of Military History will  be aware of the non combative tactic employed by Military Forces worldwide known as the ‘Hearts and Minds Campaign.’ This campaign first emerged in the Malayan Emergency and consisted of the Military gaining the support of the local populace, by engaging in small scale civil relief programmes while cutting off the enemy from their supply routes.

Unfortunately the Fiji Military Forces attempts to replicate their version of the ‘Hearts and Minds Campaign’ has had the opposite effect. They are directly responsible for the deaths of three innocent civilians and have infringed upon the civil liberties of countless citizens through harrassment, abuse and torture. To make matters worse these deplorable acts have been committed against their own countrymen.

No one doubts Driti’s willingness to lay down his life for the country, in fact some of the people who have been at the receiving end of his ‘Soft Torture’ may welcome it, but do not assume that the rest of the country is not prepared to make the same sacrifice. 

At times I have often wondered if there is any point in continuing to post public commentaries on this site and whether the message is getting across. The message is for Fiji to return to democracy and for the people of this country to enjoy the benefits of choosing the type of society our children will inhabit. The fact that we have been denied that right,  as well as the litany of abuses at the hands of the military, spurs me to put pen to paper.

This is my Hearts and Minds Campaign and whether I am able to awaken the consciousness of a thousand people or just one individual, I will continue to voice what I know to be true. Unlike the Military I may not use force or bear arms, but history has confirmed to me time and time again that the pen is always mightier than the sword.   

（是故）百戰百勝，非善之善者也；不戰而屈人之兵，善之善者也

Therefore One hundred victories in one hundred battles is not the most skillful. Seizing the enemy without fighting is the most skillful.

War is of vital importance to the state and should not be engaged carelessly. Sun Tzu 

Felix ‘The Cat’, Come Out, Come Out, Where Ever You Are? You Rat!!

Following on from the post Felix The Cat…Heavens To Murgatroid..A Rat Even..hmm Exit Stage Left!! I read this Letter To The Editor in Today’s Fiji Times from a concerned FNPF Fund Member. I commend her for asking questions that all Fund Members have the right to ask.

Natadola Project

What happened to the Ernst and Young audit report on Natadola? Wasn’t this report supposed to be out by the end of May? Or was it another expensive stunt by the FNPF to muddy the waters.

It is apparent that the new management and board of FNPF have been digging around for dirt on its partner in relation to the Natadola project and so far have been unsuccessful. In doing so, they have been blinded by their own dirt and cannot see or think straight. They are, therefore, working extra hard to justify to the FNPF members their action (or rather inaction) in dealing with decisions made by some managers in the FNPF.

If there was any evidence of mismanagement by the partner or project managers, why has FNPF not taken any legal action against these two parties? It is funny to note that the FNPF has lately been focusing on the partner’s cancellation of the foreign investment certificate. It seems likely they are using FTIB to do the dirty work of getting rid of the partner.

If the FNPF, being the biggest financial institution, does not have any respect for contracts or agreements, then we should forget about attracting overseas investors. If we can’t respect and keep the ones who are in this country now, what is the guarantee that we will be fair to any other investor?

There are some advisors to the FNPF who are milking the members’ funds and they will never let this problem at Natadola be resolved because they need to keep drinking from the unlimited supply of pasteurised milk from the FNPF cash cow.

It is a pity that the FNPF management cannot see this.

Ulita Vodosese
Suva

Heavens to Murgatroid Peoples, wake up and smell the coffee!

Don’t just sit back and gullibly swallow everything that Imbroglione Felix ‘The Cat’ feeds you, it’s your retirement funds at stake. It’s been over three weeks since the Ernst and Young Report was supposed to have been released. If you take a back seat and wait for someone else to take up your cause then you will only have yourselves to blame when you see your Retirement Funds evaporate overnight.

Don’t think for a minute that the Interim Regime won’t be dipping into your pockets when they find themselves stuck between a rock and a hard place. The way the Banana Brigade is going they are practically inviting Overseas Aid Donors to place sanctions upon them. When the much hyped about aid money does not materialise do you think they’ll be concerned with where and how they get the money needed to prop themselves up?

The closest and most convenient place  for them to look is right next door i.e. those Octagonal Towers on Ellery Street. Forget about any Government Guarantees the Banana Brigade issues, their very existence is illegal and will inevitably face a court challenge. Besides with investment levels reaching an all time low and dwindling  foreign reserves, the Guarantees wouldn’t be worth the paper they are written on.

You want to ensure that your retirement will be spent without worrying where your next meal will come from, or how your bills will be paid, then it is essential that you act decisively and act now. Put the screws on these imposturous defenders of the truth and demand to see the Ernst and Young Report, I mean bloody hell you already paid for it!!! You want to pay even more further down the line???…….

Nai Bollywood, Reh!!! Us Gang Wonderland, Vacava That,Eh,Eh…???!!

Mandrake’s comments on Fiji’s budding Film Industry, well it was budding before the coup, received a brief but scathing review in today’s Fiji Times Letters to the Editor.

Wealth of actors

I REFER to Mahendra Chaudhry’s comments that Fiji has a wealth of actors (FT 19/6).He is correct. And they are not in Bollywood or Hollywood but running the Fiji government and will do what actors do best – take us on a journey of make-believe through Wonderland.

Filipe Tuisawau
Lami

Filipe, Mandrake and the film going public of Fiji thank you profusely for your kind words and spot on critique. For your perusal here’s a couple of  other performances that have been honoured in the inaugral Fiji Film Awards “The Interim Golden Banana Awards.”

Best Actor: This one was a real toss up because there’s so many brilliant performances in the Interim Regime from Frank’s deranged Idi Amin impersonation, to Machiavelli Chaudhry’s portrayal of an innocent bystander heeding the nation’s call to join the Junta.

But the winner hands down is the Incumbent President Ratu Iloilo for his show stealing performance as a corpse carrying out the duties of the Head of State in “Yet Another Weekend At Bernie’s!”

Best Supporting Actor: Again this posed many sleepless nights for the judging panel given the impressive array of talent in this category. In the end it was decided to give the award collectively to the Interim Cabinet as it is an almost impossible task to tell who is leading and who is supporting the cast of “Jackass 3 in FeeJee!!”

Best Comedic Performance: Recent performances from Bainimahendra and Codebreaker Driti nearly relegated Leweni’s performance as “Maestro: Rebel Without A Clue” to the shadows. But given the fact that his now trademarked catchphrase of , “AAah……aaah….aahh… AAH NOMU AA…., VOSA VA VINAKA YOU BLERRY FOOL!!” has become ingrained into the public psyche; it was unanimously agreed that the tunesmith should have a Golden Banana to accompany his conductor’s baton.

Best Actress: Slim pickings in this category as there were only two female opportunists in the Illegal Junta’s Cabinet, but it was felt that the ability of Dreadlock Holiday Ganilau’s Hairdo to remain undisturbed in the midst of all the toing and froing overseas was worthy of a Golden Banana.

Best Drama: Lai Qarcia’s ‘will he won’t he’ turn in the slow moving courtroom drama ‘In Absentia’ barely pipped the post.

Best Supporting Actress: Shyster Shameem in the legal comedy of errors ‘Stuff You and Your Human Rights, I’m Off For A Smoke!!’

Best Original Screenplay: Pita ‘CodebreakerwiththeBart Simpsoncut’ Driti for his intensely researched work on the diplomatic thriller ‘Read Between The Lines.’ 

Honorary ‘Interim Regime Golden Banana Lifetime Achievement Award’: In recognition of his entire career, albeit limited due to the number of years practiced and impending criminal charges upon Fiji’s return to democracy, the Lifetime Achievement award was bestowed upon Aiyaz ‘Saidee’sprettycluedon’ Khaiyum. This is an acknowledgement of his unceasing efforts to hog the limelight and uncanny ability to be center stage at all press conferences, while singlehandedly unravelling the foundations of Fiji’s legal system through unsound advice and utter incompetence….. a feat which would take most mortals a lifetime to achieve.

Subsequent awards to be announced as the year progresses, or should I say as the economy regresses…..Ai Carumba, all the reporting on these Ignoramuses is driving me to drink……. Bai Karaik.

I Bluff, I Bluff, I Bluff… a.k.a.The Flight of Icarus

 

  The Fall of Icarus: Pieter Brueghel.  “Icarus” is seen flailing in the water but is ignored.

I thought I reached a point where nothing that the Interim Regime did or said would surprise me anymore. But just when it seems that Frank and co. have reached the nadir of stupidity, they pull out another astonishing statement that confounds all creatures great and small.

THE nation will go to the polls in the first quarter of 2009, the interim government has agreed in principle.

This was announced by the interim Cabinet yesterday after it accepted in principle the Independent Technical Assessment of Election Timetable at its meeting yesterday.

Interim Prime Minister Commodore Voreqe Bainimarama said the international community should welcome the commitment made by his Cabinet and should come forward to honor their side of the deal to normalise relations and help Fiji.

Commodore Bainimarama said the assessment team had concluded that before Fiji’s next parliamentary elections there should be a redistribution of constituency boundaries following the 2007 census, an update of the registers of voters and voter education and information programs.Fiji Times 2oth June.

Frank’s latest flip flop only confirms the growing public fear that it is difficult for him speak his mind when he is constantly extricating his foot from his mouth, all this while his head remains stuck in the sand.

According to Wikipedia Hubris is a word that denotes over confident pride or arrogance and is often associated with a lack of knowledge, interest in and pursuit of history. Attributes that can be heard in the seemingly stoic, yet defensive public statements recently issued from QEB and Government Buildings.

Fiji remains unfazed by renewed threats from New Zealand to lobby for UN sanctions against Fiji troops on peacepkeeping missions. Interim Prime Minister Voreqe Bainimarama said comments by Prime Minister Helen Clark on the issue ‘is an old speech.’ He said the matter would be for New Zealand to decide. Fijilive 2oth June.

It would be interesting to see if the Men and Women of the Fiji Military Forces shared the same sentiment as their Intrepid Idiot. The welfare of military personnel is a very serious responsibility for a Commanding Officer to bear even during peacetime. But when troops have been deployed their effectiveness can be undermined if the Military Command exhibits indifference towards their welfare, while demanding foot soldiers to make sacrifices from the comfort of ivory towers.

This was followed by Driti’s comments  towards the Australian Army Chief, demonstrating exactly why he is completely unsuitable for the Foreign Service. The role of a diplomat requires a person to have a clear understanding of their country’s economy, history, as well as gauging the external and internal political climate. While you may attain a certain level of this field of knowledge in Staff College, it is still from the viewpoint of gaining some type of military advantage and is more often than not over rated when transferred to Civilian Affairs.

It is an acquired skill to be able to represent your country’s views, i.e. the Government of the day, wihtout throwing all your cards on the table. All this needs to be done while maintaining the appearance of remaining neutral yet defending your country’s sovreignty and maintaining control over it’s own affairs. The comments below show that Codebreaker Driti has yet to master the art of nuance and reading between the lines.

“All they’re waiting for is a small gap. If they come, the Fiji army will be waiting for them,” he told Fijilive. “My question to them is, is there a war going on here? “ Fijilive 2oth June.

Actually that is Fiji’s question to you Driti. If war breaks out it’ll be a war of the Military’s own making and tragically the combatants will all be Fiji born and bred.  From the outset of the coup it has been my firm belief that the only real threat to the military emanates from the enemy within.

Driti, them’s fightin’ words indeed…. but you may have misjudged your appeal to our patriotic sensibilities. While many Fijians may not agree with the idea of Australian peacekeepers in Fiji, judging by the Military’s ineptitude in handling domestic and international affairs the Australian Defence Force is seen as an increasingly attractive alternative.

The military is by and large a Fijian Institution and the pressure on the rank and file from community and kin, in the face of the numerous social and cultural tabus they have committed, cannot be understated. If you also consider that many members of this once proud establishment are slowly realising they have been sold a faulty bill of goods that does not hold up ethically, morally and legally; then the outcome can only lead to confrontation.

Are the Interim Regime’s empty threats and policy reversals a sign of the unstable foundations upon which this motley crew was built? Time will tell but a word to the wise from the Good Book about that old dragon named Hubris

“Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.” Proverbs 16:18

   

In Your Face??? In Your Blerry ‘Ed, You Numbskull!!!!

Frank’s latest comments to the ‘dwindling’ International Press Corps seemed to come straight off the Primary School Playground. Judging by his press conference yesterday it is likely that he was influenced by the recent NBA Finals.

“Michael Green was IN OUR FACE…..To say that he was expelled because of a rugby match is very childish,” said the commander, who was in full military attire.”Since when do we expel diplomats over a rugby match.” He said the Fiji Rugby Union’s request for Mr Green to be chief guest was a “disservice to the people of this country. Out of the 800,000 people in the country, they went and nominated the enemy of the day a Kiwi to be the chief guest,” he said.

While Frank was decked out in full military attire the contents and delivery of his address were more ‘Keystone Cops’ rather than the desired Officer and A Gentleman effect. Delusions of grandeur perhaps? All that was left to complete the Napoleonic impersonation was to put his right hand in his shirt and slap on an All Blacks Supporter Cap sideways. Hey presto from  ignorant Military Officer to blerry numbskull in under five seconds!!

The only disservice to the country was allowing an ill prepared, mentally ill Frank to speak out in public making an already bad situation worse, mistaking the press conference venue for the neighbourhood half court. Frank should have considered the fact that the only reason they invited Michael Green to be Chief Guest was due to President Bernie’s last minute apology to the FRU, courtesy of the faulty catch on his coffin. I very much doubt that the FRU hierarchy would have been keen on extending the Chief Guest invitation to Frank, seeing as he sacked Tuisolia and was also responsible for loosing Felix ‘The Cat’ on Dakuidreketi’s firm APRIL.

But the idiocy doesn’t end with Frank, not one to be outdone the Puppeteer Mandrake has weighed into the controversy claiming that New Zealand has a lot more to lose than Fiji if Helen Clark decides to impose trade sanctions following Michael Green’s expulsion.

“….it will hurt New Zealand more than it will hurt us because New Zealand exports to us are close to $300 to $400 million worth in a year, we export to them a mere $35 million dollars, so I hope that sanctions won’t come into place. I have been saying for sometimes that Australia and New Zealand need to understand the situation here better, they must not be engaged in undermining our economy.” Bula FM 17 June, 2007.

Now this is coming from a man who holds a high opinion of himself in the area of finance, someone needs to explain to him that if NZ loses $300 to $400 million and Fiji loses $35 million, that’s $35 million Fiji can ill afford to lose. With the kind of asinine policies and statements he’s been coming up with lately Chaudhry should consider taking part in the Reality TV show “The Biggest Loser” to see how much he can shave off Fiji’s foreign reserve and economic waistline.

It is ironic that a man who purportedly was all for the cause of democracy when his Government was ousted 6 years ago, has now changed his tune. Lest we forget previously Mandrake aggressively campaigned for trade sanctions against Fiji through his overseas counterparts in the International Trades Congress.  Who ended up bearing the brunt of the trade sanctions? The very people he claimed to be championing, the workers of Fiji.

Difficult to tell what exactly Chaudhry was attempting to say to the NZ Government or whether his comments were directed at making an impression on his local fans. Upon further reading of his comments you realise that it’s a case of one part bluster, one part threat, and a tiny smidgeon of a plea to NZ not to impose sanctions. 

Then again the press is so fond of misquoting Mandrake that he could be forgiven if he thought that ‘they’re out to get me.’ While Frank is Bipolar, Chaudhry is definitely the malignant narcissist. As for who is going to take out this year’s title of ‘The Biggest Loser’? Well the jury is still out on that one but the two numbskulls above are definite contenders, although they will have to compete with ‘Fiji’s declining economy and Standing in the Region.’

The latter could be spared the embarassment of taking this title if Epeli ‘Alwayslandatopjobwithoutapplying’ Naiulukau is given another chance to prove his diplomatic prowess. But then again that depends on whether there’s a Golf Tournament on…….